Whenever I write one of these things, I have a tendency to play a word-association game with myself based on the title I’m discussing. It’s just something I can’t help. And when I settled in to watch “Battle Planet,” which aired last night on the Sci-Fi Channel, it happened again.
See, “Battle Planet,” written and directed by Greg Aronowitz (beloved Executive Producer of “Power Rangers SPD”) was originally titled “The Suit.” After watching the film, I would say that was a far better title. But something tells me The Powers That Be didn’t want people like me playing the word-association game and remembering things like this.
Yep… Jackie Chan… and Jennifer Love Hewitt… in a movie together. You forgot about that one, didn’t you? Perhaps intentionally.
But whatever the reasons, Mr. Aronowitz’ film was re-titled, and here we are to see it in all its glory. The film is about a futuristic soldier named Captain Strider* (Zack Ward) encased in a suit of armor and dropped onto a planet where his endurance is put to the test. He meets up with the alien, Jun’hee (played by none other than SPD’s own Monica “Z” May), as he is caught up in a whirlwhind of conspiracy and other space-related bad stuff, and he struggles to find a way off the dangerous planet.
*(IMDB names him “Captain Stride” but it sounds like Strider to me and frankly that sounds cooler, so there.)
Despite the lack of budget and somewhat hammy dialogue, “Battle Planet” is most definitely not the latest Power Rangers spinoff. It came with a TV-14-LSV rating (yeah, they whipped out the fancy language, sex, and violence tags) and even then, the Sci-Fi Channel was bleeping the daylights out of the dialogue. Particularly that of Captain Strider, as he contends with the evil stepsister of KITT from “Knight Rider,” the voice of the advanced computer system embedded into his suit.
The suit, despite looking like a strong wind could rip it apart, is actually one of the most powerful armors ever, and it includes all sorts of fun gizmos, like sight-obscuring visual prompts (which the computer somehow needs to show in order to function at all) and unwanted adrenaline shots to the neck. Captain Strider is not having a good time on the Battle Planet. Even if he wanted this (bleep)-damn suit off, he couldn’t remove it. See, someone else he knows has the code to take it off, and he’s stranded.
Strider was sent on this mission by his best friend, and former colleague, Lieutenent Commander Dude-Bro, of the United SoCal Surfer Alliance… Of course, that’s not his real name, but I couldn’t help but feel like that’s the name that fits his character the best. He has a lot of fancy space dialogue, but he doesn’t really seem up to it, really. In fact, that’s a problem I have with a lot of space operas- the extent to which the future people are truly alien is the amount of make-up piled onto their faces, or how shiny their wardrobe is. In any case, Dude-Bro is our guy, whether Strider likes it or not.
The good captain spends a great deal of time mucking through the harsh terrain of the planet, encountering strange creatures, both intelligent and not-so-much, on his quest to find the target he’s sent after. Until he’s struck with an epiphany that changes everything. Perhaps this mission isn’t going to be as simple as he thinks it is. And there is definitely more than meets the eye to the strange alien chick that’s following him around.
And believe me, we see a LOT of Jun’hee as the film goes on. Perhaps more of her than some of us ever would have wanted to. I won’t say what that is (alien boobs) but it sure shocked the heck outta me. But aside from the strangeness, Monica May delivers a performance that is on par with what Ranger fans are accustomed to. Suffice it to say, if you thought she was good in SPD, you’re not gonna have many more complaints with her role as the alien warrior, Jun’hee.
However, there’s one point in the film that struck me as particularly annoying. So much so that I realized that, if you just removed this entire 20-minute section from the movie, virtually nothing about the story would be changed. We won’t have learned anything new. Nothing of particular value will have happened. It’ll just be a lot shorter. Some films can get away with extraneous material because of the offbeat nature of the story, or the characters are just so plainly awesome that you can’t help but love to see them do just about anything. Sadly, I don’t think this was the film for that. And sitting around a campfire with a drunken little person may sound like fun on paper, but when I sat down to watch this, I suddenly found myself wondering what I was going to have for lunch the next day. Not good.
At least the movie finds a way to pull it back together and have a relatively strong finish. The ending offers up some scenes that I truly was not expecting, in a number of ways. This is when Greg Aronowitz’ reputation among fans as a visualist begins to shine the most. The moment with the lead characters in the falling snow is just beautiful. Regardless of all the hacky dialogue, and ridiculously fake action sequences, this one little moment in the last two minutes is visually perfect. And we’re treated to a chilling epilogue that somehow brings the entire piece full circle.
I won’t say “Battle Planet” changed the face of low budget science-fiction, but it does at least offer up some interesting ideas, and it has some things that I think fans of the film’s creators can enjoy. I mean, it’s no “Boa vs. Python” but if you’re jonesin’ for some good schlock, then this’ll probably do the trick.
Rating it among its Sci-Fi Channel Saturday Movie peers, “Battle Planet” gets a C+.
-Dr. Tristan
